Escaping the Friend-Zone

Monica’s spider

On Sunday I was once again precooking my meals for the week.  “Come shopping with me.” One of Monica’s texts said.  I was there in a heart beat, “I can drive you,” I replied.  She spent time looking thought the dresses, while I imagined us getting married.  It was pure bliss. 

I’d messed up so much with Monica in the past but we were still together.  Friends that is.  I never got around to kissing her, or telling her that I liked her.  We’d hang out, go out to dinner, and even watch movies at hers.  And then it happened.  We were on her couch watching tv when I leaped up and screamed.  Immediately bolting into her kitchen. 

“What the Hell”, Monica yelled.  “There’s a spider behind you.”  A massive huntsman spider was crawling down the wall behind where she was sitting.  “Thanks for telling me!” She hissed while running into the kitchen with me. 

All my life I’d been terrified of spiders.  A terrific fear I’d learned from my mother.  Even before I’d left home I once escaped my second story bedroom through my window rather than face a spider sitting on my closed bedroom door handle. 

“What are you going to do about it?” Demanded Monica.  She was definitely a princess, cute beautiful and demanding, yet I loved her.  But alas, we were only friends; I was always too scared to make a move. 

“Well, its late, I’m going home.” “Like hell.” Monica said.  She was gorgeous, I was twenty-five and never faced a spider before.  If there was ever a reason to step up, to conquer your fear, to slay a dragon and win your princess.  This was it.  I grabbed spider spray, a broom and was sweating so profusely I almost passed out. 

I sprayed it with poison, the spider dashed down the wall towards me.  Monica screamed, her dog barked, I swore in complete terror.  It ran across the carpet towards us, I threw the can of spray and tried to hit it with the broom.  In the commotion her cat ran and crashed into the window blinds.

  I kept beating the floor with the broom while making my retreat.  Finally, one of the blows hit it, squashing that arachnid into her carpet.  I dropped the broom, panting, it was over.  I was victorious. 

Monica gave me a worried look, “Thanks I guess, I’ve never seen a guy that scared of a spider.”

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